MUSLIMS: Batshit insane by the age of four through relentless indoctrination in the ways of the Khoran by their equally insane parents. Every household worth its sand will invest in a gun closet stuffed with AK47s and RPGs to be used against the American infidels. Islam is the only religion with a prophet who openly condoned violence in order spread the word (jihad). Back when Muhammad was getting his start, he and all of his followers were kicked out of Mecca. So he built support in Medina then turned an about face and declared war on Mecca. They pwned the shit out of Mecca, killing thousands. This is the truth, whether you like it or not. So any of you whiny Muslims who claim that Islam is a peaceful religion, you're fucking lying. Oh yeah, and a question for all those reading. Who's sexier? Osama Bin Laden or George Bush?
MURKANS: Known to civilized society as "Americans". Dumb as a bag of bricks. They consist of every state in the USA save for Hawaii, Alaska, California, Washington (the state), Mid-Nothern America, New England, and the upper half of New Jersey. They know their bible and insist that its contents are law, but are either too lazy to read it or quite simply don't know how to. They know next to nothing about the rest of the world. Their numbers, however, are legion, so their ignorant opinions must be taken into consideration in every election. They are often blindly patriotic and will gladly sign up to die in whatever war we declare next. One time I met a Murkan named Jerry Varela. He said fuck Murka. All he really wanted to do was to kill shit. Some of their hobbies include fucking their daughters, sisters, brothers, fathers, mothers, cousins, aunts, uncles, or anyone unfortunate enough to end up falling into the black hole that is their family tree. When they're not in mid thrust they like to shoot rifles and drink beer, then go to church afterword. I often see these people on the boardwalk handing out pamphlets. I drew a dick shooting splooge on the back of one and then handed it back. He immediately gave it to someone else, lol. If you live in the city, you're safe from them for the most part. Most city folk vote blue anyway. Question: How much of a Murkan are you?
BLACKS: Around blacks, never relax! If you see one walking toward you, immediately switch sidewalks. Their skin is black as soot. Remember, the only thing darker than a black man's skin is his heart! They embrace the American dream wholeheartedly and are very materialistic. They listen to really bad music that draws roots from the African jungle and somehow manages to be even more primitive. Some good examples of a black include Lil Jon (YEAH!) and Flavor Flav (YEAH BOY!). They almost invariably do better at sports than white people. To compensate for their small brains, they have big muscles and even bigger dicks. They are also the primary spreader of AIDS (fact). This comes as no surprise. If any of us white boys had blackman dicks we'd fuck everything that moved. Rather than despair at the state of their culture, they take pride in saying that they are more gangsta than you. That means that they can't get a job so they sell crack and shoot people to make a living, oh yeah and then they rap about it. Every little kid growing up in the hood wants to be just like them. Crack cocaine and hip-hop were both invented by the CIA and used as means to keep the black man down. It worked better than they thought. Question: Should we erect a Tupac and Biggie Memorial in Washington DC?
CHINESE: When looked at from afar they resemble a swarm of mice fighting to reach one piece of cheese. No taller than your dinner table. Tend to have round heads. Can live off a diet of nothing but tea and dumplings. Their society has yet to evolve far enough to the point where they can use forks and knives. They are stuck with chopsticks, a bitch to eat with, but look really cool if you can catch a poison arrow with them. They have a suicidally dedicated work ethic and are constantly producing new junk for American consumption. Every Chinaman's dream is to work in that factory over the hill. They are known to breed like rabbits and can't stop fucking despite warnings that they will one day turn into Soylent Green. There are 1.3 fucking billion of them. We're fucked. The only good thing to come out of China is Chinese food, John Woo (though he no longer counts) and kung fu movies. We owe them trillions of dollars. One day they will rape our economy up its asshole until it is sore and bloody. The Chinese are notorious for biding their time and then taking over. This happened once already when they bought up all the silver (or something). In spite of their big dick politics, they still historically have the smallest peckers. Question: Where did the shirt you're wearing come from?
AZNS: Known by the rest of world as the "Japanese". Only people in the know, like me, call them azns. Azns are an isolationist society who live on an island, which would explain why their culture has fermented into a bastard child of Western culture that is made of teddy bears and candy. It is clearly a country run by a pack of pedophile perverts seeing as how every girl in the educational system is required to wear these ultra cute sailor suits that are ideal for finger fucking in the subway. A azn girl's cuteness is directly proportionate to her chances of getting raped by demons with long tentacles and penises the size of baseball bats. When they have sex, they never enjoy it, ever. There is also an obsession in aza with panties. Girls can turn their panties in at panty pawn shops and get cash in return. They get even more cash if they supply a picture with them. All this so dirty old men can roll around in piles of girl's panties. If azns don't do well in school, they tend to kill themselves. They're also obsessed with peace in aza. So many movies released there have these characters who are like "Why? Why do we keep on killing each other?! Why oh why?" Though every azn likes to get his fix of ultraviolence, the same movies front like they're totally against that shit. Would you like to know more? See Battle Royale and Casshern for further details. J-Pop, for the most part, is made of garbage. Stick to their ramen, which tastes like Siddhartha, Muhammad, Moses, Jesus and Satan all rolled into one. Question: If given a choice, which sailor scout from Sailor Moon would you rather fuck?
RUSSIANS: Live in a country that's cold as shit and run by ex-KGB assassins and the mob. Major exports include: vodka, caviar, AK47s, and Tatu. They have this tendency to die en masse whenever there's a war or a famine or a purge or the wind blows the wrong way. We "fought" them in the Cold War and "won" by default. Notorious for getting into a fight at a moments notice, especially their hooligans who tend to kill each other when their teams lose. Their leader is Vladimir Putin (lawful evil). His little head is full of secrets. He stares at George Bush as the man were a puppydog. He only pretends to like the nickname "Pooty Poot". He has a harem of Russian prostitutes the size of a football stadium. Russians ranks are known to contain large numbers of mail order brides who like to decieve you "peetiful, stoopid, Americans. I have bomb, I blow you up". They have nukes coming out the asshole and more tanks and rockets than they know what to do with, so they often sell them to bad men. Question: Who owns Lukoil?
Did I miss anyone?
-Stein
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